Here at squirt gun mafia, we believe that the only proper and dignified way to settle disagreements is with guns, guns filled with water and perhaps followed by a batch of delicious baked goods. It's time once more for our annual no holds bared water war, inviting the fine upstanding citizens of the Bay Area to at last vent their frustrations with one another in a mature and sophisticated manner: by dressing up silly and hurling water at each other.
Last year we saw over a hundred hippies and hipsters battle to the bitter end in Dolores Park. This year, we're focusing on an issue more central to human nature, the ongoing battle of right brain vs. left brain, smock vs. tutu, calculator vs. crayon, test tube vs. fairy wand, a degree that might land you a job or one that will satisfy your creative yearnings, blood tests vs. crystals, astronomy vs. astrology, rapid eye movement vs. tiny invisible men tugging at your eyelids while you're asleep.
That's right! This year we will finally solve the problem that has plagued mankind for centuries: do we as human beings place our trust in cold hard SCIENCE or follow our beliefs in things that, sure, might not exist but are super neat and pretty anyway? We're asking you, mafia members, to help settle this dispute once and for all the only way we know how: with cold, wet warfare in the battle of MYTHICAL CREATURES VS. SCIENCE!!!
Where: Dolores Park, San Francisco
When: 09.30.2012 @ 2:00 (SHARP!)
Why: and z.
What: Come dressed to support your team and BRING YOUR OWN PRE-FILLED SQUIRT GUN & WATER BALLOONS. The water battle will rage as long as it does, followed by cupcakes.
See the FB event to RSVP / invite your friends & frenemies: https://www.facebook.com/events/410815198979318/
SOMETIMES ASKED (A LOT) QUESTIONS:
What should I bring? A squirt gun already filled (we will actually have filling stations this year, but they'll last longer if everyone comes ready to roll) and full water balloons if you got em. We'll have a few extra balloons and guns but they won't last long.
I went last year. Can I still dress as a hippie or a hipster instead? I don't have a lot of clothes and / or am lazy. Sure. In fact, I'm pretty sure that hippies qualify as mythical creatures. And as for hipsters, well, their purpose in life is somewhat mythical.
Where can I get a squirt gun? You can find ammunition at any Target / K-Mart / Big Lots / Walgreens-esque type of establishment. I also recommend consulting the internet if you have one of those.
Can I bring my kids? Due to the serious nature of squirt gun warfare, we do not recommend bringing your offspring. This event is intended for childish adults, not for children. That said, if you have a teen or pre-teen that wants to throw down feel free to consider this "time with your teen day" using your own judgement.(After getting murdered by a teenager last year I fear and respect their presence at our events.) Worth noting: while we encourage our mafia members to maintain sobriety, they sometimes like to a) ignore our recommendation b) dump buckets of PBR on each other (that happened last year). As per usual, we take no responsibility for anything anyone does on account of the fact that people tend to be in control of their own brains and bodies.
Should I wear a swim suit? That depends. Does your swim suit double as a lab coat?
How does someone dress like "SCIENCE!!!" anyway? We're not sure. Have you tried consulting the scientific method?
How does someone dress like a mythical creature? If I dress like the girl from Twilight does that count? Mythical creatures are defined by Lord H. W. Pfiffleberg's Posh-sounding Dictionary as any being or set of beings pertaining to or resulting from a mythical origin. For example: Fairies, Unicorns, Gnomes, Werewolves, Elves, Santa, Pegasus, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Elvis, Your Brother's Character on World of Warcraft, and Bob Ross.
I went last year. Can I still dress as a hippie or a hipster instead? I don't have a lot of clothes and / or am lazy. Sure. In fact, I'm pretty sure that hippies qualify as mythical creatures. And as for hipsters, well, their purpose in life is somewhat mythical.
What do water fights have to do with science or mythical creatures? Why is this happening? I hate it. Everything and nothing. Because we said so. Good.
