The Squirt Gun Mafia is a fun-loving criminal syndicate that emerged sometime during the dark ages in San Francisco as a means of grouping together various "action weirdos" looking to "start some seriously awesome shit." It is a loose (at times, very very loose) association of criminal groups that share a common dis-organizational structure and sometimes frivolous, often amusing code of conduct. Each group, known as a "family", "clan", or "bunch of gnarly dudes", claims sovereignty over a territory in which it operates its rackets – usually a town or village or a neighborhood of a larger city, sometimes just a bus or tricycle or abandoned hot dog stand.

[This abandoned hot dog stand is actually a hot bed of criminal activity.]

The San Francisco Squirt Gun Mafia Mafia arose from offshoots of the Totally F*cking Bonkers Mafia that emerged in California during the late nineteenth century, following waves of hippy and hipster emigration. The hippies and hipsters, in a pot and PBR-induced haze, imagined a better life on the cold, hard streets (which at the time were made of steel spikes and shards of jutting glass) for their youngin's and decided to establish the TFBM. Unfortunately, many of the members of the TFBM were tragically obliterated in an iron maiden throwing contest that left many dead, some injured, and many more with severe headaches.

[An iron maiden, the thing, not the band.]

Some of the remaining members who were sober enough to still manipulate social networks (i.e. not particularly sober) banded together to form a new group, dedicated to random, subversive fun things happening in or around the Bay Area not always but generally resulting in baked goods.

[We really didn't want to post this one, but The Boss said it made him lol.]

The term "Mafia" is sometimes employed to name Mafia-type organizations operating under a similar structure, whether squirt gun related or not; such as The Missionistas, the Don't Hate the Haighters, the Tenderloin Loin Sharks, as well as foreign organized crime groups with goofy accents. However, the Squirt Gun Mafia is unique in that it operates via an invisible shared ideology, primarily a love of the Bay Area and sincere appreciation of weird shit, manipulating primarily digital platforms to organize real life, unforgettable (no matter how hard you try) often criminally insane experiences.

At last count, the San Francisco Squirt Gun Mafia has approximately 8.2 billion members and is spreading faster than herpes or the latest Katy Perry album. You can find out more about joining the ranks HERE.

[Katy Perry is less popular than The Squirt Gun Mafia, not unlike herpes.]